MS. REBECCA ROBERTSFrom WAMU 88.5 at American University in Washington, welcome to "The Kojo Nnamdi Show," connecting your community with the world. I'm Rebecca Roberts, sitting in for Kojo. Ask anyone who served in the military forces 40 years ago and how they balance military service and family life, they'll tell you their personal woes were not Uncle Sam's problem. Son, if the Army wanted you to have a wife, you would have been issued one, was a familiar refrain. Happily, leaders of today's all-volunteer force realize that helping male and female soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines balance the rigors of deployment with a desire to stay connected with their families is a crucial part of the job.

MS. REBECCA ROBERTSWhile things have improved, the challenges unique to military life can still be tough to manage. A new White House initiative aims to help ease the burden. Joining me to discuss it here in the studio is Frank Thorp, retired rear admiral who spent 28 years in the U.S. Navy. He's currently the senior vice president of marketing and communications for the USO. Welcome to "THE Kojo Nnamdi Show."

MR. FRANK THORPThank you, Rebecca. Glad to be here.

ROBERTSAnd from the studios of WTAR in Virginia Beach, Va., Vivian Greentree is the director of research and policy for Blue Star Families. That's a group that aims to raise awareness of the challenges in military life with civilian communities and leaders. Vivian Greentree, welcome to you.

MS. VIVIAN GREENTREEThank you for having me.

ROBERTSAnd, of course, we welcome, too, our audience. If you'd like to join us, call 800-433-8850 or send us email, kojo@wamu.org. You can also get in touch with us through our Facebook page or by sending us a tweet, @kojoshow. So there are, of course, specific needs for families who have a family member deployed. But it's a very small segment of the population. Less than 1 percent of the U.S. population serves in the military. And so it's easy to see why that divide might grow, that not enough civilians know someone who's in the military or know a family that is going through the issues of being deployed. Do military members feel like people don't care? Let's start with you.

THORPWell, I think it's key to remember 10 years into this war that the war is actually being fought by a small segment of society. And here in the United States, when a lot of other things are going on, it's easy to start worrying about what's going on overseas, in Libya, not having to do with U.S. military or oil spills. And so not only do the folks in the military wonder, do the people back home care about us -- and I think the country, for the most part, has done a great job in recognizing that. But the families that are in the background -- the Navy used to have a saying that the hardest job in the Navy was to be Navy wife.

THORPAnd so it's real hard to wonder when your husband or wife or mom or dad are gone, does the country know the sacrifices that you're going through. And it's hard, I think, for people -- military family members to get that feeling that, yes, their sacrifices is being appreciated.

ROBERTSVivian Greentree, do you feel the sacrifices from the families are being appreciated?

GREENTREEWell, I think we had -- the results from our 2010 military family study showed that 94 percent -- or 92 percent, sorry, of the respondents agreed with the statement that the general public does not truly understand or appreciate the sacrifices made by our service members and their families. And so I think that would be -- and I think it is shocking when we've mentioned that to civilians when we're speaking to them because, by and large, they do feel the civilians -- I mean, who doesn't, you know, not support the military? But like the admiral mentioned, the reality is that the military families aren't necessarily feeling that.

ROBERTSSo if someone wants to show their appreciation, what are some ways to do it, especially if you don't, for instance, have a neighbor who you have a personal relationship? Vivian Greentree, what are some ways that civilians could get involved?

GREENTREEThere's a good quote by Henry Clay who says, "Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest into the grateful and appreciating heart." And so I would take, kind of, a cue from that and it is -- it's the little things. There's obviously organizations, like the USO is wonderful and Blue Star Families, which has direct ways to impact military families. One of the ways that we do at one of our programs is Operation Appreciation, where civilians can write letters to the family members, not just the service members.

GREENTREEBecause what we had heard back from our members is there's a lot of programs out there to write letters and show your support for the service members, but not so much emphasis on the families that are left behind. And so, you can write a letter to a military spouse, a military child and a parent, which is increasingly important as our -- we stay committed in wars and we have younger service members that are serving who might not be married and rely on their parents for support. And that keeps the parents tied in as well.

ROBERTSAnd, Frank Thorp, when you survey or when the USO surveys families about their needs or service members about their needs, what tends to spike as the highest priorities?

THORPStaying connected. I think that's the one thing that military families want the most. We have a lot of programs in the USO, many focused on military families. Back when we started 70 years ago, there weren't that many military families, and so we are -- our mission hasn't changed, to continue to lift the spirit of the troops and their families. But there have been so many more families now, 1.9 million family members, military family members. And so when we survey the military and their families, one of the top programs that comes up, for instance, is our United Through Reading's military program, where troops can read a book to their loved ones, to their children, in a USO center all around the world.

THORPAnd then, we'll mail the DVD and a book back to the family. And that's just received this incredible feedback of how great it is to stay connected because we all know that little kids will read the same book over and over and over again. And so when mom or dad are deployed or off at war, to have that connection -- and mom or dad at home can continue to put it in the TV and play it. And then we do a reverse thing, where we take a picture of the little kid watching mom or dad read the book and send it back to the troops on the front, and that's just received tremendous feedback.

ROBERTSSo there's many more families, but there's also many more ways to stay in contact in terms of the technology. Is that an asset or a liability?

THORPI think it's both. You know, the challenge is, is to make life as good as it can be for the troops who are deployed and the families back at home. Back in my first deployment, in the early '80s, all we had were letters. And I was deployed for six months, and I wrote 180 letters home, wrote one every day and put a number on it. And back home, my wife would get letter 73 and then she get letter 56 and then letter 91. And so there was that unknowing of what's going on, whereas now troops are more connected for the most part. We have a phone network at the USO centers in Afghanistan and Iraq for troops to be able to go in and call home. We give phone cards away. But I wouldn't say it makes it easier.

THORPIt does allow families to be more connected, and there are some tremendous stories about troops in USO centers watching babies being born on Skype and things like that. So more connected, yes. Easier, no, because still when that soldier goes to bed at night, having watched their baby be born, they're not at home. And moms at home with the baby and dad's deployed. And so we continue to stay focused and work with the military to try to produce programs that create that connection while making sure we do it in concert with the military leadership.

ROBERTSAnd, Vivian Greentree, from the home front, would you say that technology is kind of a double-edged sword?

GREENTREERight. I was listening and completely agreeing with the admiral. There is -- it opens up a wide availability with the Skype and e-mail and even message boards in Facebook. But, on the other hand, of course, there is all that instant information, so there's a lot of information overload and things that might seem really big at home on a particular day if you had given some thought to it, you might not wanted to share that with a spouse who is deployed. So it can -- there's an emotional side there. Yeah, I don't know whether I'd say it was better or worse.

GREENTREEI tend -- when my husband was deployed to Iraq last year, we did e-mails. But I also appreciated the, you know, good old-fashioned love letter, so I don't think anything will ever replace that.

ROBERTSWe are talking about the needs of the families of people who are deployed and how civilian volunteers and families can help be in touch with military families and support them during deployments. You can join us by calling 800-433-8850 or send us email, kojo@wamu.org. Let's hear from Bart in Arlington, Va. Bart, welcome to "The Kojo Nnamdi Show."

BARTWell, good morning. Thank you so much for having me on.

ROBERTSSure.

BARTI wanted to make sure that everybody knew about a very powerful program to support military families. It's called the Department of Defense Online Tutoring and Homework Help Service known as tutor.com for military families. And this is a service which allows all active duty military families, both the kids and the parents and the spouses, to get live one-to-one anonymous help with homework, studying for tests, writing papers and science projects online anytime, 24/7. It's an extremely popular program, especially powerful when a deployed parent is gone and they're the primary homework helper.

BARTAnd this is something which a lot of military families don't know about, especially those who have kids in public schools. So if any of your listeners out there are teachers and have the ability to get to word out to students, I think it's important to know about.

ROBERTSBart, the website again?

BARTWww.tutor.com/military.

ROBERTSBart, thanks so much for your call. Frank Thorp?

THORPAnd I would also say thanks, Bart, for saying that. Rebecca, one of the things you said on the top here was the White House initiative, Joining Forces, which is just -- it wraps up everything that you've talked about so far today, first and foremost, the awareness, making these programs like Bart's program -- making people aware of programs like that and just the fact that the first lady and Dr. Biden are putting the power of their positions behind recognizing these kind of programs. And they have particularly focused on three areas -- education, employment and wellness. And Bart really hit right on the education one, and that's where a lot of our programs are focused on being able to do that.

THORPSo we're really glad that Bart is involved in and has programs like that 'cause that's -- when you say, how do you show appreciation to military families? It's that kind of thing that the Pentagon is doing, as well as this Joining Forces initiative, that we just -- we're just exceptionally happy to be able to support that.

ROBERTSAnd, Vivian, Bart mentioned that, you know, sometimes the parent who's deployed could be the primary homework helper, but also if military families move a lot, you could end up in schools with different standards and different years where you learn different things. And so there are academic challenges to being a military family specifically.

GREENTREEOh, sure. And in our 2010 survey, we found that between the frequent moves and service member time away, that many of the parents worried about their children receiving a good education. Thirty-four percent of them, at least, are not confident that their children's school was being responsive to their unique military family life.

ROBERTSLet's take another call. This is Dee in Arlington, Va. Dee, welcome to "The Kojo Nnamdi Show."

DEEHi. Is this it?

ROBERTSYes. You're on the air.

DEEOkay. Great. Well, I myself an army brat. My father was in active military, and actually we just lost him this past January. And I've, in the past, tried to become more involved in a volunteer basis with USO and haven't gotten the response that I'd hoped to in order to become involved. And if nothing else, I would love it to make it my career. I was just wondering how I should go about better positioning myself to become part of that movement to help military families more, because I'm one of them and I know what it's like to move every 10 to 12 months. And the support that's needed, just not -- not just for the spouse in the active military person but for the children as well.

ROBERTSFrank Thorp?

THORPDee, first and foremost, thank you for your service as an army brat or an army child. I appreciate it. The USO, as you zeroed in on, we depend very heavily on volunteers, literally tens of thousands of volunteers, and we would love for you to be a volunteer here. The USO of Metropolitan Washington, D.C., has a very enthusiastic effort. And I would tell you -- just shoot me an email at fthorp@uso.org, F-T-H-O-R-P@uso.org, and I'll line you up with the folks here in Washington, D.C., for you to be able to volunteer. Thank you.

ROBERTSDee, thanks for your call. We are talking about the needs of military families. My guests are Frank Thorp. He's a retired rear admiral who spent 28 years in the Navy. He's now currently the senior vice president of marketing and communications for the USO. And from Virginia Beach, Va., Vivian Greentree is director of research and policy for Blue Star Families. We will continue our conversation after a short break. Stay tuned.

ROBERTSWelcome back. I'm Rebecca Roberts, sitting in for Kojo Nnamdi. We are talking about the needs of military families and how civilian families might be able to support them while a family member is deployed. My guests are Frank Thorp, currently senior vice president of marketing and communications for the USO, and Vivian Greentree, director of research and policy for Blue Star Families. You can join us at 800-433-8850. Email us, kojo@wamu.org.

ROBERTSOr get in touch with us through our Facebook page or by sending us a tweet, @kojoshow.org. Let's take some calls. Let's hear from Beth in Washington, D.C. Beth, welcome to "The Kojo Nnamdi Show."

BETHThanks for having me on.

ROBERTSSure. Go ahead.

BETHOkay. So, I am a civilian, and I have civilian backgrounds. And -- but I'm a small business owner in Washington, D.C., a massage studio. And the way that we do our part in supporting our troops and their families is we offer military discounts to any enlisted or any military person and/or dependents. So anyone that holds a military ID is welcome and is also encouraged that we give them a discount. And we also work with a group called TOR, Touch of Relief, where we go to the military hospitals and work on the families of the soldiers that have come home from war so...

ROBERTSBeth, thank you for your call. You know, Beth is getting at this also, this idea that certainly not all military families are on a base or in a military community, that they might be in the reserves or just living elsewhere, and so they're not necessarily surrounded by a health and wellness community that suits their need, that sort of a thing. And so flash a military ID and get a discount on a massage. It's a start.

THORPYeah. That's exactly right. And that's one of the things that the first lady and Dr. Biden have been pushing. And exactly like Vivian was saying is it's those signs of appreciation for the troops and the families. Especially with the involvement of the National Guard in this war, families may be nowhere near a base. And so just to drive down a street and see on a sign that says, thank you to the military, thank you to the military families, and then a discount, that token of appreciation goes a long way for the sacrifices that our military families are doing every day.

GREENTREEAnd also -- oh...

ROBERTSGo ahead, Vivian.

GREENTREEIt also -- and it brings up a great point with getting the private sector involved, and I think that's another -- I mean, why we're so excited to see this Joining Forces initiative is because military family community policy, you know, it's a national security issue. And the president has said that when he speaks about it, and it's the first time where military family issues aren't relegated to the Department of Defense or maybe even the Veterans Affairs, but it's something that we can talk to with nonprofits and for-profits and other military family and support organizations and VSOs.

GREENTREEIt's a little bit of everybody. And it has to be a comprehensive, holistic approach, whereas conversations that happened earlier might say, well, how can the DOD solve this? Well, you know, the DOD can't be everywhere and all things to all people, and it's gonna take a community-based approach. And like the woman who called in with the massages, you know, that is amazing. And it's not something that might pop up on the radar of, you know, things that the DOD could possibly provide for military families and nor should it, but it's great to see that for-profit and the private industry partnering in support of military families.

ROBERTSWell, another way that private industry is partnering through this Joining Forces initiative is with employment opportunities for spouses. It's something we haven't talked that much about, Vivian, but according to your research at Blue Star Families, almost 50 percent of military spouses who aren't employed want to be. Why is that such a challenge?

GREENTREEMm-hmm. Well, what they cited most often was PCS, which is the permanent change of station, and childcare availability, was what came back to from our surveys. And I'm -- I mean, I know in the economic situation that we're in that all families are facing kind of a downturn and problems. But we like to say that the military, because of the unique lifestyle that we use, it's kind of all of these things that everybody else is facing and then add maybe constant moves or -- and moves between states, where you have to transfer that licensing and certification, because we also found out that of the spouses whose careers had been negatively impacted by active duty military activities, more than 13 percent of them believe that they had experienced some type of discrimination because of their status as a military spouse.

GREENTREEAnd so if you read through the Joining Forces, the commitments, you know, from the Department of Labor, from private organizations like Wal-Mart and Sears and even Siemens Corporation, they're recognizing that there is this not, you know, just for the benefit of military spouses, but of the private industry of the great talents and just the talent and the scope of resources that military families -- military spouses can bring to the table. So we're very excited to see that emphasis on employment as well.

ROBERTSLet's hear from Martha in Annandale, Va. Martha, welcome to "The Kojo Nnamdi Show."

MARTHAYes. I Consider myself a 30-year-retired-maybe wife and just wanted to say that, yes, it is better now for people that are deployed and their families as it was when we were -- my husband was deployed a lot, as the admiral had stated. But I would just like to say that at the time that my husband and I served, the general community had no idea what we did or do. In fact, I was told many times that we had free housing, free cigarettes, free booze. And I even went on the air as a rebuttal to that.

MARTHABut I think that the military needs to make the civilian community more aware of what military families do and their wives and children. And so -- and also, I've heard that banks, lending companies are foreclosing on military families when their spouses are deployed. Something needs to be done about that. So that's my comment.

ROBERTSMartha, thanks for your call. Vivian, would you agree that there is a lack of understanding about just how much sort of life support, living support the military gives to families?

GREENTREENot from the military. I would say the understanding from the civilian community, and that's because, like the admiral mentioned earlier, there's less than 1 percent of the nation serving. And if you look back at other wars in our history, it was, you know, 15 percent. It was a lot higher. And even during World War II, you know, my grandmother talks about rationing and just the idea of the citizen soldiers. And that's kind of shifted. And so, you know, the efforts of groups like the USO and Blue Star Families that's, kind of, seek to bridge that divide and say, you know, show a little bit about military life, because what we don't like is when other people outside of our, you know, military community try to -- or we're portrayed as victims, because we're very proud of our service.

GREENTREEI know I'm very proud of my husband's service and my children's service. And I like to think that, you know, we're doing our part to be active, engaged citizens. And there's a lot of that. When you hear new military spouses or military parents or even service members, they always like to end on a, you know, but I would do it all over again, but I love this life and I wouldn't change it. And we'd like to see more of that.

ROBERTSWe have an email from Melinda who says, "Did your guest mean you could send a generic thank-you note to an anonymous military family or is there an opportunity to do something more like becoming pen pals?"

THORPOne of the things that Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden have done with Joining Forces is created an initiative to be able to send a message to a family. And that was actually Air Force involvement with Joining Forces at the USO was when the first lady's office approached us and asked if we could facilitate that. And so what you can do is you can go on either whitehouse.gov or uso.org and go to the Joining Forces' website and send a message of support, of appreciation to the families, and what we'll do with that is we'll print those out and we'll deliver them to families.

THORPWhat we won't do is we don't give their addresses out or anything like that in order to protect their privacy, but you can put anything you want. If you wanna put information about yourself on there, and then when we distribute it out, perhaps they'll write you back or not. But the key part of that program is really, like Vivian was talking about earlier, the ability to send those messages of appreciation for folks who wrote that email, like people who wrote that email to the military families.

ROBERTSAnd, Vivian, when you saw the details of the White House initiative, Joining Forces, what were your thoughts?

GREENTREEWe were very happy with them because it seemed like there's been a whole, kind of, theme throughout this administration with attention and support to military families in substantial, tangible ways. And it started out -- like the precursor to this Joining Forces was the Strengthening Our Military Families report that came out, which largely lined up with what we found in our 2010 military survey. You know, the top five issues for military families were pay and benefit, the OPTEMPO, spouse employment and then their children, both with regard to the effects of deployment on children, but also their ability to get a good education.

GREENTREEAnd that's largely, when you read through this -- the commitment that these amazing organizations have made through private, public and non-profit, they're recognizing that there are structural challenges that military families face because of the lifestyle. And through this, you know, New Normal, these are the things that we can do on a large scale, you know, comprehensive basis rather than these tiny, little anecdotal things that don't have the full force of the entire community behind them.

ROBERTSThere also is a website. I think it's serve.gov, where if you want to -- yes -- if you want to volunteer in a more specific way based on your own skills, you can find a volunteer opportunity that best matches your skill set, you know, the time you have available. So if you want to check that out, www.serve.gov is a chance to find a volunteer opportunity that matches your skill set. Let's take a call here. This is David. He's calling from the Beltway. I hope you've pulled over on the Beltway, David.

DAVIDYes, hi. Rebecca, great topic. And this is -- as a civilian, I've also been challenging myself with the question, what can I do in an unexpected way to help? And I'm a frequent traveler. And oftentimes when I see military flying and I'm upgraded to first class, I'll ask the flight attendant to put me back in the coach and give the soldier first class, and that happened one time. And one of the most heartfelt things was said to me after the flight landed. The woman found me and said, that was the best meal, sir, I've had in a year since having returned from deployment.

DAVIDAnd, you know, there are often a lot of hidden ways we can help, and that's one of them. Since the USO is so focused on making air transport comfortable for soldiers, is there some way to formalize this program with the airlines?

THORPWe actually do work with the airlines, specifically American Airlines. We do a lot of work with who -- they have actually a program where they support the troops. And then we also -- there is volunteer opportunities that we're associated with which collect frequent flyer points and give them to the troops and things like that. The other thing I just have to say to what you've -- the story you've told -- first and foremost, thank you, because, again, just to go back to what Rebecca was saying to begin with and what Vivian was saying about those small things, that soldier will never ever forget that you did that.

THORPAnd so as we develop programs in the USO, that's the kind of things that we do, is tell those stories on our website to make sure that it grows more and to partner with other organizations like Sesame Street and Trevor Romain and United Through Reading so that those opportunities can be given to soldiers and their families around the country.

ROBERTSI think we have time for one more call here. This is Christina in Stafford, Va. Christina, welcome to "The Kojo Nnamdi Show."

CHRISTINAThank you very much. I wanted to say that my husband has been in the Air Force for 20 years, and he has deployed three times. The first two times, we were on Air Force bases. And we had lots of support from the other Air Force families helping out with child care and with mowing the lawn and bringing over meals and things like that. But this third time, he was deployed for a year to Afghanistan. He just recently returned home. And my children and I are living out in the community. And because he works at the Pentagon, we're not attached to any specific unit or squadron. And the other families, Air Force families and other military families are spread all around the greater Washington, D.C., area.

CHRISTINAAnd so my neighbors are mostly civilians. And although they were very kind and they would say, you know, thank you for your husband's service, I was astonished and depressed at the complete actual lack of help that I received, but nobody ever...

ROBERTSAnd, Christina, what would have helped? If people are hearing this...

CHRISTINAWell, I would have...

ROBERTS...and they've got a neighbor who's deployed, what would have been useful for you?

CHRISTINAI would have loved for somebody to have mown my lawn or for somebody to have brought dinner or for somebody to have helped with the children. I thought if my neighbors who lived beside me, it would have been so easy for them to just mow my lawn the same time they were mowing their lawn. And they never did. Or to someone say, you know, let us keep your kids so that you can have some time to yourself.

CHRISTINAWhen it was Christmastime and we had blizzards here and school was closed and so all my children were home, I desperately needed time alone to be able to wrap their presents. And I asked several people if they would please take the kids, let them watch a movie at their house so I could get their presents wrapped, but everyone said no, they couldn't because they were too busy.

ROBERTSChristina, thank you for your call. So there were a bunch of suggestions right there for people who wanna help. Some of it just comes down to being a good neighbor and paying attention, right?

THORPYeah, it's exactly right. And I have to say, Christina, if you hear Mrs. Obama speak about Joining Forces, that's exactly what she's encouraging Americans to do, is those tokens of appreciation, whether it's mowing a lawn or cooking a meal or things like that. And it's not that military families want sympathy or pity because we're so proud of what we do and clearly, you're so proud of being part of the Air Force family and three deployments, but it's those tokens of appreciation that just make life so much better.

ROBERTSThat's Frank Thorp, retired rear admiral, spent 28 years in the Navy. He's now senior vice president of marketing and communications for the USO. We were also joined from the studios of WTAR in Virginia Beach, Va., by Vivian Greentree, director of research and policy for Blue Star Families. Blue Star Families aims to raise awareness of the challenges of military family life with civilian communities and leaders. Thank you, both, so much for joining us.

THORPThank you.

GREENTREEThank you.

ROBERTSWe are gonna take a quick break. When we come back, what's growing up at the National Arboretum? Stay with us.